Heartfelt Confessions
by YourConscience813
Summary: If it is possible for them to be happy without their hearts, why aren't they happy now? When can they find true happiness? AkuRoku. Please Read and Review.


Heartfelt Confessions. Inspired by someone who _used_ to be _so_ important to me… I wish he still was but he lost most of my respect when he threw a fit about me writing this… Sure, some of our conversation somewhat, not really matches the conversation in this but it barely scratching the surface. Then he yells at me but the only thing he is yelling about is the fact that there is two guys involved. I've been with this guy for almost two years and if he is going to act like this then it was for nothing because I cannot be with someone as ignorant as that.

Please enjoy.

Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts or any of its characters…

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><p>Eyes struggled to keep open; the need for sleep was beginning to overcome him. A gloved hand lazily wiped his face in a groggy nature, trying to push away the tiredness. His body begged for rest but his mind forced him to keep moving. He <em>had<em> to do this. It was as if he was living with a persistent curse. This 'little issue' was the reason he lost sleep at night… It haunted his dreamland. What he once considered his home front was now taking over by the enemy. It was why he was not able to focus solely on his missions. Half the time he was not entirely sure what he was seeing: the truth or delusions. His performance was gradually degrading because of this and people were starting to notice.

Now was the time for action.

Scratching the side of his head, he made a frustrated face as he thought over his options. Once he completed the task, he would be able to sleep easier, right? No more dreams… No more wild and crazy thoughts. The burden would lift off his chest, the weight gone from his shoulders, and he could go on like every other day. Good outcome… It sounds easy enough…

What if it doesn't happen as planned? He would continue plunging himself into the depths of depression… And then eventually be crushed under this pressure? The strings that held him upright would be cut and he would fall lifelessly into a slump on the ground? It did not seem pleasant at all.

The latter of the two scenarios was sounding more realistic as the blond opened a new portal. Great, now be has a fair amount of doubt in his mind. This was not going to be simple. Even though his mind was contemplating over what could happen, he did not stop moving forward. Finally, he stepped out of the darkness into a fresh atmosphere of vibrant red and orange.

Roxas sighed as he turned the corner of the clock tower; the bright beams of the setting sun temporarily blinded his line of sight and instantly warmed his body. He felt so cold and lifeless on his journey through the darkness he was almost thankful for the sun. However, it would soon set and darkness will fall over the world in a blanket of dusk. The warmth will be gone… And Roxas would have to wait another day to feel this content again.

Sensing his presence, Axel leaned back and threw a teasing smile over his shoulder. "Hey Short-Stuff, I see you're back."

The red head's voice immediately pulled the blond from his thoughts and Roxas could not stop the mini heart attack he experienced from the look. That smile. That goddamn smile. Why did he have to look at him in _that _way? The unknown force of the other's expression caused the blond to misstep and almost topple forward, which would have ended very badly if he hadn't quickly regained balance from the wall of the clock tower. Flustered and mentally kicking himself, the blond breathed out a small hum of a reply.

Not making sense of his friend's reaction, the red head gestured for him to come and sit. Roxas complied, but sat further away than usual… "Something wrong?"

Roxas' mouth impulsively opened. Then just as quickly slammed shut, his eyes wide in terror of his own body's reactions. This wasn't fair…

Now that made Axel's thin brow quirk in question, knowing something was wrong with his friend. A breeze blew past, ruffling the blond's spikes and he took it as the perfect opportunity to brake their gaze. Once he was not face to face with the red head, he felt more comfortable to speak. Or better yet lie. "Nah, just the usual..."

Axel passed his friend an ice cream making a soft smile appear on Roxas' lips but on the inside he was screaming. Damn it, he was too nervous for ice cream!

Usually chitchat was made between the too, but today was completely off mark. The two continued their ice creams silently while overlooking the town below. Axel chose not to bring up the blond's questioning actions and Roxas was unable to make words come out. He was still working on formulating the rest of the plan in his mind. It was only until they were done with their salty-sweet snack that Roxas mustered up the courage and spoke.

"Axel…" At the sound of his name, he snapped his attention to the youth, all too excited to break the silence. "When…" Nervously he swallowed down the rest of the question. He still could not believe he was doing this… After a moment of regaining his composer, he finally asked, "When can we be happy?"

The red head hummed as he thought over the innocent question. Apparently, he did not think much of the matter, the kid was just being curious. Right? "I assume when we complete Kingdom Hearts and have a heart of our own. Or at least that's what the Superior keeps telling us…"

That was the expected answer; at least Roxas saw this coming. They were Nobodies… They were only empty shells, incapable of emotions and feelings and blah, blah, blah, blah… He could practically hear the monotone voice of the Superior explaining to them how their emotions were fake, no matter how real they may seem. "So…" It was time to see if the red head thought the same way. "It's not possible to be happy without a heart?"

He knew what he was told… But he also knew what he felt and he answered accordingly. "It's possible."

"Axel…" Well… Here goes nothing. '_Or everything_…' The blond held back the irritation in a mask of indifference. Why did his thoughts always cause problems? Eventually he asked another question. "When have you been the happiest?"

"I don't know…" Well, that certainly wasn't a good sign. _'Calm yourself Roxas. You're supposed to play it cool.' _Afraid of showing any sign of emotions, the blond looked past his feet down at the disserted streets of the town. "Probably… the day I met you, Rox." Now that made Roxas look up to see if the other was being legitimately serious. He was… But only for a little while. Axel locked gazes before shooting an audacious wink at the blond who knew he should have continued looking elsewhere. "You know you make me happy. You're my best bud."

Frowning, Roxas rolled his eyes. "Suck up."

"You know it." Another wink made the blond focus closely on his boots. They were really starting to wear down from all the missions he's been taking. Scuff mark here, mud there… Oh wait, were they having a conversation? Totally slipped his mind. He was too busy distracting himself he almost missed the thoughtful reply. "What about you?"

He was about to answer when he felt his stomach flop, the cage of butterflies shattered into nothing and now the fluttering wings tickled his insides. A large blush crawled across his cheeks as he turned and frowned in the opposite direction of the red head. It wasn't even safe to look down anymore! He felt embarrassment grip and effectively strangle any confidence he might have had. "Guess," he blurted out when he realized he could not remember what he was _supposed_ to say next. "Twenty Questions."

"Ah… Roxas don't do that to me." The drawn out whine made the other turn his head in his friend's direction and then right away regret his actions. Axel pathetically motioned towards his chest in a dramatic manner, giving the blond the best- but yet the worst- puppy dog stare in the universe. The look was seriously tempting the youth to rip his hair out. Instead of doing so, he instantly looked away, grumbling to himself quietly. _'I _need _to stop doing that…' _However, Axel was not done with his moaning and groaning. "Please, Rox. I hate guessing games… You know I suck at this."

At least the game gave Roxas the chance to rebuild his confidence. Looking out towards the horizon, he muttered a dry, "Humor me."

"Pfft, fine." Roxas breathed out in relief as the other agreed to play his little game. "Okay… Let's start out simple. Does it involve me?"

"Yes."

"Does it involve you?"

"Yes."

"Does it involve us?"

It took all of his might not to facepalm himself. "_Yes_."

"Was it at the castle?" He shook his head. "On a mission?" Nope. "Here?" Yep. "Um… Were we eating ice cream?" It took some time to answer, but after awhile he shook his head again. "You paused so that may have been before or after… Uh… Oh-um well…" The blond took a peak over towards the other, wondering what had him so tongue-tied. Axel twiddled his thumbs around him circles. Was he… Embarrassed? "Did I… touch you?"

Damn. It. All. Roxas' once curious expression fell into full-fledged infuriation as he roughly shoved the other's shoulder. Of course he was faking the nervousness… Axel is never nervous! Stupid, stupid Roxas! The blond huffed out a, "Pervert," as the other's laughter began to die down. Once Axel was completely finished with his laughing spree, the blond sighed and finally answered his question with an obvious, "No, you didn't touch me."

With determination, Axel thought of more useful questions. "Did I say something?"

That made the blond snort, "Surprisingly no."

Alright, that did not leave many options for the red head. He did not know if that was a good thing or bad… "Did I make you laugh?" Roxas shook his head. "Did I do something funny?" Again, the blond said no.

Shutting his eyes and feigning a thoughtful smile, he tilted his head in the warmth of the sun, the echo of the evening train filling the atmosphere. He did not know how long he could keep up this charade, uneasiness was trying hard to tug the corners of the blond's lips downward. This game was a bad idea… _'Come on, Axel… I really don't want to say it… Don't make me tell you…' _Opening his right eye, he watched the red head run a gloved hair through his hair as he thought.

The cogs in the other's brain worked furiously, all the obvious choices were gone. With most of his choices gone, Axel finally asked. "Did I… make you smile?"

He slid his right eye closed once more. "Yes."

Axel's jaw nearly dropped in disbelief from the reply. Yes? It was a yes? He was just taking a wild stab at it with the last question. Staring curiously, he moved his head to the side and watched the youth bask in the sun. "I wasn't touching you or talking to you… But I still was able to make you _smile_?" Groaning, he threw his hands up into the air from distress. "I give up, what is it?"

It was inescapable…

"The day I fell in love with you."

The words did not come out jumbled or misspoken as he expected but it did leave a numb feeling in his mouth. Roxas kept his eyes closed, somewhat wishing he could see the look on the other's face right then. It was probably a mixture of confusion and shock. One guy telling another that he loved him even though they've only known each other for a little while? Better yet, both people being nobodies? Now, after the words had enough time to sink in Axel's face was probably advertising something along the lines of 'Do not want.' That is the reason why the youth kept his eyes shut, so he did not have to look rejection in the face.

Axel, however, was utterly perplexed over what happened. Roxas… loved him? Not just loved him, but fell in love with him? _'No wonder he think's he's in love with me, he has brain damage from the fall!' _he thought to himself. The edges of his lips began to quirk upwards as he mused over the blond's choice of words. There was something utterly _charming_ about how he said it.

It was then that he began to realize that he has fallen for the kid. It wasn't any petty 'like' thing… It was love. When has the kid ever left his thoughts? When has he ever stopping thinking about what the kid liked and what would make him smile? That's why he always picked up the ice cream, right? He did these little things to see him smile and seeing it gave Axel the greatest feeling in the world. He didn't care if they were Nobodies… He didn't care if his emotions were considered fake. This was how he felt… He wanted to be near the blond, for better or for worse, and do anything in his might to make the youth happy.

Now… How to approach the situation…

"Hey Rox?" The other gasped, slightly startled how close the other's voice seemed. Blue eyes fluttered open and met with rich emerald, the expression on the older male's face was… Different… and made him quiet bewildered. Once he had the young one's attention, "What was the first question you asked me?"

Bombarded with questions on why Axel was looking at him so strangely, he rapidly answered, "I asked, 'When will we be happy?'"

"I think I know the answer now."

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><p>-End of Oneshot- I'm still upset. Very upset. I told him that I wouldn't post the story if it made him feel better but… I wrote it. Aren't personal experiences allowed to reflect it works of art? It's not like I'm portraying us as the characters… It's just that some of the dialog matches what he talked about. Some! Other than that, nothing is the same! Sorry for mistakes, I'm too pissed to concentrate on the words… Please point them out to me though….<p>

Happy AkuRoku Day 2011! I know it's late but there were issues... I hoped you understanding people enjoyed the story.

Review if you wish. Comments, suggestions, anything, everything?

YourConscience813


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